Life, and for that matter everything we know [of] is governed by one simple rule: all that begins has an end. At the largest scale, current estimates place the formation of our planet at about 4.5 billion years ago, but our first known ancestors are placed only at around 300,000 years ago; given that recent calculations predict the earth will end engulfed by our sun in about 7.5 billion years, chances are we will have been long gone by then.
We humans are also ruled by the irrepressible, unruly nature of the alphas and omegas of our individual lives, and are impacted by its many events and fluctuations. From the day we are born or took our first step, to the culmination of a school year, and that time we moved away from the first place we called home, beginnings and ends make up our story and have a place in our memories. I have imprinted in my mind the day I left my country of birth, an image of the city I grew up seen from above as the airplane was gaining altitude, and my family closing a chapter in our lives, to begin a new one.
Some life events become rituals that we embed on purpose into our lives, or are simply ingrained in the culture we live in; these are things we know well, trust, and [mostly] follow blindly. A single person actively seeking a partner is encouraged by many societies, and usually followed through. The five-day work week leading to a hopefully restful two-day weekend started in the 1920s, and eventually became standard to this day; an idea being challenged recently and that may be replaced for a new one in the near future. We owe the end of the year on December 31st to the Romans, and the celebration of a new, fresh one to the Babylonians. All these things we “know” well.
But there are many things that happen to us of which their beginning we are unaware, or simply do not (cannot) remember, such as the day of our birth, or when we started gaining weight or losing it (which is not always a good sign); there are also beginnings we mostly would like to forget, for instance that first morning we woke up without our life partner beside us.
There are endings we anxiously yearn, like the end of a war, the end of an awful experience in a project, or a bad relationship. And there are endings that we dread, when we are having a good time, or the closing of our favourite store or restaurant catching us off-guard.
And in all this, I would bet none of us takes any time to understand how we cope with the beginnings and ends of our unique lives. As someone may say in the surfing world, we simply ride the waves as they come, and sometimes those waves are clean and easy, others are choppy, and from time to time we get a messy one, or we face a dangerous wave impact zone, and then it seems that life crashes on us.
An indication that we should be mindful of when something is already brewing is that many times we find ourselves “in a pickle” and ask: how did I get here, or how did I end up in this situation? This tells us that we were completely unaware of the initial signs, when things started rolling, well before they became an issue. This could also be a testament of ignorance of our own behaviour, narratives, and the barriers we have adopted and led us to be in a particular situation, not to mention the signs, and red flags that we missed.
One reason we miss identifying some beginnings is that not all initial signs are clearly defined or dramatic, which reminds me of the Boiling frog story: “the premise is that if a frog is put suddenly into boiling water, it will jump out, but if the frog is put in tepid water which is then brought to a boil slowly, it will not perceive the danger and will be cooked to death”.
This speaks of life’s incredible capacity to adapt –especially to conditions that change gradually, but when this ability works against us, it may be too late by the time we realize that those new conditions are not favourable to our health and wellbeing, or perhaps that they do not align with who we are at that point in time, leaving us confused, lost and unable to react.
When I go to the doctor with an issue that is bothering me, I usually find it hard to remember when it all started; her usual question is: when did the pain /cough / discomfort or whatever is happening start? I surprise myself every time on how little attention I had paid to what was going on and how long it took me to prioritize and act on the long-standing symptom. Clearly, I must have been working, or just focused on other “more important” matters, until my health finally climbs to the top of my priorities, when I have hit a wall and finally pay a visit to the doctor. That wall may show in the form of a bad night sleep, work being disrupted by the issue, or a sharp increase of the pain for which over-the-counter medication no longer works. By then, the treatment ends up being more drastic or intrusive, and the definite cure farther away than my expectations.
When it comes to the ending of things or situations, our stubborn habits, acquired behaviours that no longer serve us, and our ingrained beliefs can play a dire role, and serve as powerful barriers to ending that in which we need closure. Beliefs, although they can be effective motivators, they are subjective, hence most of us end up living in our own “reality”, letting those beliefs drive our actions and pretty much everything we think, say, and do.
The belief that something or someone else will take care of our problems (e.g. time, luck, a God, etc.) removes our ability to clearly see our role in the situation, and what we can actually do; that mindset can leave us idling, and when things don’t end the way we had hoped, we accept our “fate”, or see ourselves as powerless victims. The belief that we are what others think of us can also leave us helpless, trapped and vulnerable for others to take advantage for as long as they want, because our self-created blockage won’t allow us to close shut that door and move forward with our lives. The belief that we are defined by our country, family, religion, or culture narrows our ability to explore, discover and learn about what the world has to offer, and thus our possibilities to adapt, grow, change and see what else is possible…
…if we only saw ourselves as human beings and the potential that entails, how far would we go.
Life’s beginning and ends can be undetermined, wild, disruptive, lawless and difficult, just like the formation of our planet, but there is beauty and opportunity in all chaos; we can be aware of it by paying attention to the subtle signs of our body, and the silent noise of our surroundings, only so would we get awareness of our own agency in all matters.
What beginning would you like to make happen? And what do you need to end now?
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